Mr. Peanut

So I met this guy one day when I was at a grocery store in San Jose. Now this was a very nice guy so I'm not trying to talk bad about this fella, only going to explain some of the dumbshit he was trying to brag about. So I met this guy, we will call him David. I was walking around in Safeway snacking on some peanuts and I could see this guy admiring me in a no homo way. Right away I knew this guy was probably going to come up to me and say something, and he did. He comes up to me and he's like "hey man, blah blah blah, and he's like dude you got pretty big arms" I'm like " thanks man." He replies, " you ever measure them?!" And I'm like , " uh yeah." And he's like, " how big are they?!" I'm thinking wow this guy is really excited, so I tell him, " yeah they're like 17s." I really wanted this guy to calm down a little.

 So David goes on to tell me that he makes very expensive custom swimming pools. He told me he once made a custom pool with a taj Mahal theme for a person in los altos hills that cost 2.2 million dollars. He also told me his best year in the business he made over 1.1million dollars. Now at this point I'm pretty fucking impressed, and he was talking about this shit like it was not even that impressive and its just the work he's been doing for 20 yrs.

 Now here's where the topic of the conversation changed. David switches the conversation back to bodybuilding. He told me, " I used to be a bodybuilder." Now I'm looking at this guy, he was 46 years old, about 5'6" 210lbs, slightly stocky but pretty fat. This guy looked like he maybe touched weights a few times in his life. So he goes on to tell me was bodybuilding in the 80s and 90s, took steroids, the whole deal. But I'm still looking at this guy like wtf. He's like ," yeah I had a 365lb bench." So I'm trying to act like I'm at least somewhat impressed by this guys fitness stuff but I think he could sense I wasn't very impressed. So what he goes on to say next was ridiculous. At this point we are still just standing in the aisle at the store and I'm still eating these peanuts. He glances at my bag of peanuts and then looks up at me and says, " you know most people get fat from eating peanuts." So I'm thinking wtf, most fat people arent fat from eating peanuts lol. Also most people I know who have a problem dropping fat don't even eat peanuts lol. So then David goes on to say in the most bragging tone, "I can eat peanuts all day and not get fat. Back when I was bodybuilding I was eating 10,000 calories a day." So at this point I'm like wow this guys on some sunnyvale shit right now. I mean when did eating peanuts all day and not getting fat become impressive? Lol. Plus this guy was already fat too, lol. I honestly couldnt believe he said that and he was giving me this look like , " yeah, you're impressed now.." no I wasn't impressed lol, I was more confused and on the verge of laughing.

So it wasn't even clear if he was talking about present or past. The guy was clearly fat now, but even talking about in his bodybuilding days. I mean the guy told me he was running steroids and training regularly, and of course in that case eating peanuts all day should never make you fat lol, unless you're eating like 3lbs a day on top of everything else you fucking eat. So yeah I said ," that's cool man." And we ended the conversation, David walked off and gave me a friendly wave, I could tell the guy liked me but that whole peanut talk was just fucking stupid. I mean the guys pool business was impressive as fuck, but he wanted to brag about eating peanuts all day and supposedly not get fat lol. 

So that's the story of David aka "Mr peanut" the bodybuilder. I never saw him after that, but who knows maybe ill run into him again one day.

How I got into working out, bodybuilding, and personal training. A bizarre mystery or logical explanation?

For the last decade my involvement in personal training, gyms, and bodybuilding has baffled many members of society and the fitness community alike. " how the fuck did that guy get into this gym?" "Does that guy work here?" "Does he even know what he's doing?!" I know guys, as strange as it may seem to many people there is actually an explanation. The reason I got into working out was actually my parents, yes. My parents were fucking health freaks who met at a gym and when they had me they apparently decided to try turn me into the healthiest person alive.

 They took me into golds gym when I was just a baby to get blessings from the bodybuilders there. I remember my dad was holding me wrapped in my blanket, when a 6'5" 280lb bodybuilder named Big Tony came up to us and told my dad, " Regan, this kid's got good genetics for bodybuild." I was 6months old at the time but I remember my father was overjoyed to hear this.

  At the age of 5 my mom put me on a strict diet of chicken, fish, eggwhites, milk, rice, and broccoli. My parents wanted me to be lean year round and only on special occasions they would allow me to eat red meat. junk food was out of the question. I began playing soccer at the age of 6, but it wasn't until I turned 12 that I began my bodybuilding training. First it was just light dumbbells and bodyweight stuff. But the day I turned 13 my father got me a membership at golds gym "the mecca of mountain view." It was at this gym where I began my bodybuilding studies. I would read books such as "Arnold's Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding" and "Hardcore bodybuilding" by Robert Kennady. There were a lot of bodybuilders at golds, and when I first started training there I aspired to look like them. Little did I know at the time these guys were juiced out of their minds. Ha I mean you know every young kid wants to believe that Arnold never took steroids and that their favorite professional athlete never cheated.

  Anyways over the next several years I trained my ass off, slowly building my physique. Sometimes my workout plans were not as successful as I had hoped and I would hit a plateau for many months at a time, I mean fuck I didn't know Everything. I kept going and learning more and more. By the time I was a sophomore in high school I was certainly one of the more muscular kids around. My friends would often come up to me and ask me to flex my biceps, I of course would oblige them. I continued to lift throughout high school and naturally I made gains. Nutrition was one of the last things I really learned about because I thought physical training was the only important aspect of bodybuilding. Yes I was hard headed.

 When I got out of high school I really wasn't sure what to do, and I honestly didn't want to become a personal trainer. I had known trainers at golds and 24hr fitness, most of them were so fucking cheesy and out of shape. I knew they were doing it for work, but most of these guys looked fucking horrible. They were fat, weak, sloppy, and cocky. I couldn't believe people paid these guys to give them fitness advice and have them train them. It sickened me. I just wanted to know the truth about what really worked for fat loss and muscle gain.

 So when I started at community college I began to take classes on kinesiology, nutrition, science, and drugs. I knew that if I read everything about the human body and understood training and chemical processes I would absolutely know, at the the very least, one of the best approaches to fat loss and muscle gain. And the result of all this was that I learned how the human body loses fat and gains muscle! What a shocker! God damn, who would have thought actually knowing what works would actually lead you to knowing what works. Strange. "Oh shit, guys, guys! Brandon's telling the truth agaain! I'm telling my fitness manager!" Yeah you better tell him.

   Fast forward to when I decided to drop out of school. My parents were like "Brandon you better get a fucking job!" And I was like, " damn I guess I have to get a job.." and my mom was like, " son why don't you become a personal trainer?" And then I was like," fuuck, what other choice do I have?.." So it was settled, I got certified and became a personal trainer, yeah that's basically how it happened. So there it is, all you whining bitches getting mad because I work at a gym and know more than you, just be mad at my parents first. Don't come up to me with that fucking bullshit you give me, when you look like a fucking turd on wheels. At least look good before you do that.

  

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Meeting Epic Gym Man

When I started my bodybuilding journey I joined Golds Gym in Mountain View, CA when I turned 13(I worked out at the YMCA before that but I'm talking about main gym). To many people in mountain view, Los altos, and Palo alto this was considered "the mecca" at the time. It was after a few months of training there i ended up meeting Epic Gym Man. My father had told me about him before, but he was still a great mystery.
     Epic Gym Man was native american, I don't know what tribe. He had a long ponytail, and wore tight, short, blue spandex shorts. He would perform some of the most impressive acts of fitness anyone had ever seen, one of which was a 700lb quarter squat. He also would often sit cross legged while meditating at the gym and would trill around a 2 foot baton like he was Bruce Lee spinning fucking numbchucks. After I witnessed this there was no doubt in my mind that this man was highly trained in some kind of ancient native american mma.
One day I was at the pull up bar resting from a set and Epic Gym Man approached me. Everyone knew at the time I was new at the gym and I guess he wanted to throw in his spiritual guidance. He asked me(in epic native american voice), " How old are you?" I told him I was 13. He then goes on to say, " When I was that age I had a weight set at home and used to workout." He rambled on a bit more and I wasn't really sure what point he was trying to make, I did one more set after that and left. Even though this guy didn't seem as smart as I had expected I was still glad that I finally got to meet someone so epic.
After I walked away I felt the forces of nature surround me and at that point I knew that I had met someone with a spirituality far beyond most. I was a bit puzzled but I knew this had to mean something, I just didn't know what.
Other bodybuilders at the gym would often make fun of this guy and call him "Squanto" but in the end no one could deny the fact that he was indeed, epic.
If you search this YouTube clip(sorry don't know how to embed video) you will find some rare footage of him at Golds in mountain view performing 1 million crunches at a superhuman speed. There's no other known documentation of epic gym man other than a few black and white photos and 3 original oil portraits which are owned by wealthy land owners. If you are lucky you may see him around mountain view one day running by the 101 and when you do, you will know that have seen something truly, epic. https://youtu.be/hz_-jRpr1E8